March 11, 2015


It was back years ago when I said to myself that I will pursue an artistic journey all my life and from that alone my fate will be based on. It was a passion that requires a sense of creativity, talent, discipline and acceptance of nonuniform ideas. I have forced myself to learn theories, foundations and even the history on what caused such method to influenced what is known today. I welcomed the idea of blending in while trying to stand out of many, thus I called it the "Unique bandwagoning." It was not just a fad, however, but a trend that until now people are still following. 

Unfortunately, trend had become a long running fad that is being repeated over and over again in the same manner, same idea, same style. It was almost comparable to drinking coffee; few have been added to menu, but still the same coffee bean, same espresso machine and even same quantity of every ingredients. 

It did not change, until I realized that it was merely just a yearning for sense of belonging to the same community. It was myself trying to slip into the same fad I have been despising. Looking back to how it looked like, I can now taunt myself freely without regrets. What has gone wrong? 

Now, after gathering all strength and realized what must be prioritize and what can be done on the side, I set my feet on a new adventure. Plenty of things have all changed and will never be the same anymore, many have been left miles behind and can no longer catch up and others have completely forgotten . Fad may still be the same, as well as trend, but opportunity changes and must not be missed. 

December 05, 2014


Someone had ask me once, “What do you do during Christmas?? Do you spend a lot of money for decorations and gifts?? Is it your holy day??” Clearly, the person who had ask me that question does not observe the Christmas Season for a clear reason – the person does not belong to the faith that celebrates it. I answered back with some hint of frustration and understanding, “We celebrate. Family, love ones and friends will get together to eat, exchange gifts, recollect Christmas stories, and tell more stories.” The person then asked me again, “So you need to have a lot of money to spend??” I said “No!”

To many Christmas season is the time of the year where you have to exchange gifts. To me, it is the season that I always look forward to see. It is, for me, the most special season of the year other than a sunny summer day. It is a Thanksgiving sans turkey (but still served in many culture). According to my Christian belief, Christmas day is the celebration of the Birth of our Saviour. Thanks to early Catholic Scholars for giving a specific date for this season.

I celebrate Christmas because I believe that is the celebration of joy, peace and hope. Though lacking of many things, the happiness of this whole month and the Eve of Christmas always brings joy into my heart. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same notion about Christmas. Many people who share the same faith are no longer looking forward to see this joyful event. These are the people that are now lacking of the most important factor – Family.

Homeless, orphans, abused victim, soldier deployed on a conflict, neglected seniors, forgotten prisoners, parents that lose a kid and those who are suffering from a devotion caused by several internal and external factors, and many more, are some of those who are trying to be thankful for this another Christmas. They are the one, which probably includes many of us, that always wish to have a very joyful celebration. Please let us not forget about them. 

November 25, 2014

Self Portrait, 2011


    I can actually count the number of days that I slept earlier than midnight for nearly a year now, and there are not too many. Due to pages of readings, homework that needs to be done and classes that had been caught up with other task, I have sacrificed hours of sleep and imprisoned myself on the solitude of night. With all those books and presentation slides, the sound of the freight train passing near my apartment and the objective of getting them done, I found my solace. 

   The hardest thing to do when you are trying to study at home are the temptation of slacking and procrastinating - Part of that is staring blankly on something. You are physically tired and mentally exhausted that you just want to let yourself breath in peace. And then you will have all those thoughts that would not just make you think and imagine, but also affects you psychologically. Sometimes it would also impact how you act and think and how you would interpret every event that may occur around you. 

    Several of those are disgruntled thoughts derived from the previous one and from those that occurs constantly. Angered ideas such as "where to go to cry" or "who to talk to when this happens?" or "Will there be anyone out there that I can talk to about what I feel right now?" and few more. Apparently some of those thoughts are the impact of what have been happening in reality - what we are experiencing everyday. Talking about it with someone can only do so much, especially when you talk to a person who do not have any interest to what you are blabbering about; thus staring blankly on something such as a wall or writing something such as this blog really helps a lot. It is our thought that affects ourselves and only us can do something about it, nobody else will. 

September 5, 2014


I was told that I can be a teacher, just because when I talk it sounds like "I know what I am talking about." Maybe it is true, maybe I can really be a good teacher. It may not seems like I can be one right now though, but I am confident that I would be able to do it in the future. 

When I was growing up, I was told not just by my teachers but also by the society, that a teacher is our second parents. We spent a good amount of time listening to them, looking at their faces, following what they are telling us to do, even sharing emotion with them. They really are our second parents outside of our home. Despite of their strict decorum, they alway show compassion. 

At least that is how I have been brought up. In our culture.

What about here? how do they treat "teachers" or "Educators"? Based on my experience, if a student does not like a teacher or their class instructor; a decent child would not do anything, however, a mannerless child would look a that person as just somebody. 

Back home, I have seen teachers cry because students are leaving the institution. Here, I see teachers crying because of the incivility of a student. Here teachers are just a school employee. 

Why? Why can't I see the importance of teachers here?

Is it because of the teacher?

The culture perhaps?

Their parents?

May 2, 2014


I have been regretting of performing many actions that have completely gone against who I am. Actions that whenever I recollect the details, neither sympathy nor pity will be manifested towards me. I, however, would only feel hate and remorse. Many of those acts have been displayed in many people, and in many circumstances. It affected not just those people that had been showed by such actions of mine, but it also affects me and those around me. 

I have been regretting that. 

They said, it would never make any difference if we keep sticking ourselves into our regret. It would never do us good. It would only, however, continuously bring us down to the stage that we would regret doing it

Maybe it would never do us good, maybe it would. 

Displeasure, the negative aspect that I will never be able to get out of my brain. 


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